I love America. Kinda. I mean I love what America is supposed to represent. I don’t like real unedited America. The problem with America is its full of shit. It’s so full of shit – it doesn’t even recognize it. The United States are the Kardashians of the World Stage. On the outside we look glamorous and when the edits and lighting hits us right we look amazing. If you look a bit closer – we’re average like pre-surgery Kylie. Not the ugly duckling but definitely not the belle of the ball like our other older and more attractive sisters. We looked ourselves in the mirror and asked “WWKJD” (What Would Kris Jenner Do) and the mirror responded: fake it.
In 2004 America went to the booth and received a nose job, face lift and most importantly new boobs all called Barack Obama. At that moment – that was the time for America to drop the most epic sextape of all time. And it did – an African American president with charisma, who was smart and not the scary black man that would scare people in Iowa. There was liberal and centrist splooge from coast to coast. We could not get enough of this ‘well-spoken African American’ (because you know they are rare). But like the Kardashian’s people hated him just for the fact he existed (I see you alt-right). Unlike that California Clan he actually earned his spot in the spotlight.
As time passed we became once again the shining beacon in the world. Granted Israel didn’t really like him because he asked questions and didn’t shuck and jive like they expected Negroes to do. We all know Putin didn’t like him because he’s smart. Usually dumb bullies hate the smart kids. Except in this case, President Obama had ‘tons o guns’ so Putin had to play his position. President Obama kept the façade up of American Exceptionalism abroad while countless African Americans were being murdered in the streets by police officers. But hey we still had an African American president so things can’t be that bad, Right?
The luster and shine began to wear off on President Obama. He wasn’t doing enough for black people. He wasn’t doing enough for the far left. No one was quite happy with him. The reality of the lack of American Exceptionalism started to show through the cracks of the façade. Police officers started murdering black people at a record rate. African American unemployment rose. This post-racial America that was promised was falling apart day by day. Like all shows that are jumping the shark, what’s a producer to do? Introduce a new character that is diametrically opposite to the main character.
Kylie Jenner Donald Trump
The United States didn’t want the smart guy if he was Black. It didn’t really want the better politician if she was a woman. The United States wanted a star – they wanted Kim. But Kim was busy so they settled for Kylie. America went to work on President Orange he was their person. He was pure white, a celebrity, and most importantly a man. He didn’t have any particular intelligence or any talent. His talent was his white maleness. They cleaned him up, tailored his suits a bit better, toned down his orange tan, strutted him out with his family and voila – he’s presidential. The core of who he is still remains – a very small, insecure man with who has no idea how to do his job. The problem with this is our president is all flash and no substance. In between chants of “fake news”, early morning tweets and many policy failures — he’s doing what most spoiled rich white men excel at, being mediocre. At least Kylie is good at being famous. Maybe she should run for president next.